It’s been a week, Dasha Girl, and it hasn’t gotten any easier.  Every time I go outside or in the garage, I think about you.  I miss the way you smell or how persistent you were when you first saw me in the morning.  I wish I could go back and soak up every moment of your time that last week – I wish I had known it was coming.  I would have found a way to let you smell, lick, and love on the boys as much as possible – I had always hoped you would have gotten to know them more.  Your little family grew by 2 and sadly you didn’t get to be a part of that as much as I would have liked because of the seizures.  You will always be their big sister even if they have no memories of you.

I had grabbed this little tag from the vet as a charm while I was waiting for them to let me see you that last time.  It was designed to go on a dog’s tag and be registered in case you got lost but I just thought it was pretty and wanted to keep it as a memorial.  When your Daddy saw it and asked what it was for, I explained and he said, “Our girl will never be lost.” 

We’ve spent every moment on the back-porch reminiscing of you.  We’ve talked about every story and moment you stole our hearts. 

Remembering…

• How you loved to sit in chairs – especially that green chair I got from Dad.  It was cute until it started to smell and couldn’t be washed.  Lol.  Remember how you would get in the chairs on the porch and couldn’t get down?  We would laugh and love on you and help you out.
• How you and Diesel would chase the red laser light around the back yard.  Diesel was so big it sounded like a horse galloping.
• How Diesel would paw at and smoosh the grasshoppers in the backyard and chase the water coming from the sprinkler.
• The first day we brought you home and you and Diesel played so hard that you fell asleep together under the swing in the backyard.
• How when you both were outside dogs and I would try and go out there and sit down to love on you both – you were so excited you wouldn’t sit still.
• How I used to roller skate with you and Diesel and take you to the beach and dog park.  You loved the water and would have spent all day in it if possible.

There are too many to put here and sadly they are already starting to fade from memory because despite the grief and anger… life goes on.

Daddy wanted you to know that he misses you too.  You would keep him company after hours when he would sit on the porch and play puzzle games on his phone.  He said he spent some time with you on Sunday night and said his goodbyes.  I hope you know how much he loved you.

Today we said goodbye to our sweet Dasha girl.  She had started having seizures about a year ago and was taking medication to control them.  It was working well until Sunday when she had her first seizure in months.  Within 6 hours she had another and by Monday morning she was seizing often.  She was never able to recover from the last one she had and we had to make the hard decision to let her go be with Diesel and find peace from her broken body.

We had an appointment at 10:30 to let her go so we got her there and they took her back.  They cleaned her up a bit and laid her on a soft blanket.  I waited with her and got to talk to her and give her as much love as I could.  She still had some soul in her eyes but her body just wouldn't respond.  The nurse came in and told us an emergency had just come in and the doctor was delayed.  I got to sit with her for about 30 minutes which honestly I needed.  I'm thankful that God gave me that last chance to be with her and to find peace in the decision to let her go.

The doctor over at Companion Animal Hospital was new (to me) but he was so kind and friendly.  He gave me a hug and gently explained the process.  I asked him if he thought my decision was right and he agreed.  He explained medically why he felt it was her time to go and also his own opinion.  He gave her the medicine and within seconds she was gone.  I could tell the exact moment her heart stopped and it hurt so.. very... much.

Our house feels a little bit empty.  There are so many reminders of our girl.  We've shared stories about her almost all day long and are slowly picking up the small reminders and putting them away.  I'll wash her little Dasha baby and collar and put them in a box to keep.  I'll never forget my sweet girl and how much she meant to me.  She and Diesel made me a mom - and a better person.

Goodbye Diesel Boy

I know I haven't updated this blog in years and that it doesn't really have a following but it felt right to come back and say goodbye.

About 3 weeks ago, Diesel.. my little boy turned angel, was diagnosed with late stage lymphoma.  He declined extremely fast and we had to put him down yesterday.  I said good bye over and over, cried for days, and kept secretly hoping he would go at home in his sleep but my strong young boy held on and it got to be too much for him.  He was fighting it but losing the battle and it felt like torture.

I took him in and they asked if I wanted to go back.  I decided not to because I wanted to remember him alive... to pretend like he was just going back for shots and a bath like we always did at the vet.  So they promised to take good care of him and I sobbed in the vets arms.  The door closed and he was gone forever.  I have regrets now, wondering if he knew I wasn't there or if he understood.  I wish I had gone back but know that at the time I couldn't have handled it.  I miss him more than words can express - he was unlike any other dog I've ever had.

His sister, Dasha, has become an inside dog.  A first for her and for my boyfriend who isn't keen on dogs inside.  It's helped with the healing process but I can't help but think of how much Diesel would have loved it inside.  He was such a big big dog - with such a huge heart.  Dasha was always the brat but Diesel put up with her and was gentle and sweet and never a problem for anyone.  He always stuck by my side and wanted to be loved on.  He was so sweet and I miss him so much.

Rest in peace buddy.  You'll always have a place in my heart.

Animal Walk

I’m very excited to say that I found the absolute most amazing dog park. It’s small, a mere 9 acres, compared to some of the others I’ve researched but it has a swimming pool shaped like a dog bone as well as doggy life guards stationed all around the pool (to keep things in check and ensure everyone is playing nicely.) It was one of the most surreal experiences I have ever had – A sort of doggy Disneyland! We had so much fun.

This isn’t the best picture but it does show the pool. Diesel has sort of a Goofy thing going on with that one ear. The old golden retriever standing in the pool was extremely sweet. It’s neat being able to interact with so many different kinds of dogs.

Dasha loved the pool whereas Diesel loved the other dogs. Here’s Dasha “diving.” She didn’t realize the water at that end was only a foot or so deep.

It didn’t take long before she figured it out and made her way over to the deep end. The pool itself is probably 6 or 8 foot in the deep end.

While Dasha sort of swam alone, Diesel was off hanging out with the big boys. He looks so silly in this photo. He looks enamored with that black lab! I can just imagine him being that little brother who always wants to hang out with his teenage brother’s friends. One day my baby boy will be this big. *sniff*

Tag! You’re it! Dasha finally got into things and started to play with the other dogs. She’s shy but once she gets going it’s hard to slow her down.

Wipe out! Diesel takes a tumble on the 2nd turn.

This dog is a Rhodesian Ridgeback. He really liked Dasha. She didn’t care too much for him. LOL

The park also has about 4 acres of trails that are fenced in meaning that the puppies could play without their leashes. It’s a shame no other dogs were playing here at the time. I’m sure they would have enjoyed running wild through the woods.

Yes, I make my children pose. She looks thrilled doesn’t she? It’s a shame the colors didn’t come out better.

Run! Run! Play! Play!

I think he finally pushed her button! Time to go home and put the kids to bed.

Hope you enjoyed the trip to the park. We plan on going back soon! It’s so much fun!

I haven't updated in awhile.  Not because there hasn't been anything to post about but because there is so much to post about!  The puppies are doing great.  They've learned the sit command and are about 70% on lay.  Dasha picked up on it quickly with her Daddy's training and Diesel still struggles but loves his treats and is learning.  Walking has become a lot more complicated now that they are older.  Dasha likes to bite on Diesel while we walk, making him yelp in pain.  Diesel isn't much for a long walk and tends to start whining about half way through.  Now that they are older they wont stay behind on the skates like before but insist on criss crossing in front of them.  We have a lot to work on but I know that when we get everything bug free it will mean that much more.

Update

The puppies have graduated from using a harness to walking with just a collar.  They aren’t really all that good at it but we can get around the small block which seems to tucker them out.  Potty training is still rough but they can easily sit on command and we are working to train them to touch a bell for a treat.  Hoping that will transition into touching the bell when they need to go outside based on the suggestion of a training book.  Wish us luck!