Goodbye Diesel Boy

I know I haven't updated this blog in years and that it doesn't really have a following but it felt right to come back and say goodbye.

About 3 weeks ago, Diesel.. my little boy turned angel, was diagnosed with late stage lymphoma.  He declined extremely fast and we had to put him down yesterday.  I said good bye over and over, cried for days, and kept secretly hoping he would go at home in his sleep but my strong young boy held on and it got to be too much for him.  He was fighting it but losing the battle and it felt like torture.

I took him in and they asked if I wanted to go back.  I decided not to because I wanted to remember him alive... to pretend like he was just going back for shots and a bath like we always did at the vet.  So they promised to take good care of him and I sobbed in the vets arms.  The door closed and he was gone forever.  I have regrets now, wondering if he knew I wasn't there or if he understood.  I wish I had gone back but know that at the time I couldn't have handled it.  I miss him more than words can express - he was unlike any other dog I've ever had.

His sister, Dasha, has become an inside dog.  A first for her and for my boyfriend who isn't keen on dogs inside.  It's helped with the healing process but I can't help but think of how much Diesel would have loved it inside.  He was such a big big dog - with such a huge heart.  Dasha was always the brat but Diesel put up with her and was gentle and sweet and never a problem for anyone.  He always stuck by my side and wanted to be loved on.  He was so sweet and I miss him so much.

Rest in peace buddy.  You'll always have a place in my heart.